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serbadger · 1 month ago

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9 ego self tests and thoughts raw and unfiltered with no AI

1. One achievement I did was my self intuition working by itself without the help of Tika. That discipline turned into motivation for bettering myself and ultimately forming the 9 things morning routing and 9 things night routine. The result of this forms productivity and sort of prevents me sitting in bed jacking off. In a way it works but I like how some things don’t have to necessarily have to be in order but it’s best that I am doing so. Two, I am able not to deep dive into porn like the same way as i used to and plus I can’t really get erect if it is not Kartika— especially when we had that orgy that there were other women but my mind was set on her and we made love and only with each other. Three my strong intuition and language has been better and more aware and despite me being afraid of sharing things, I am happy to be aware and also being able to confront my own feelings and sharing my vulnerabilities with Kartika whilst listening to hers; I know I make mistakes but I feel like I am taking a bit more action and communication which I should in order to fix my relationship with Tika— a majority of me fixing my communication has been what Instagram gave me + chatgpt + Teal Swan and other great minds helped also in my process of fixing myself and the relationship and I have much to thank them.

2. The valid points was that I was wrong to be unrealistic with wanting sex by saying “i don’t crave it” like when I planned to have sex with Tika. It was like lying to myself. Me and Tika came to an agreement after we met again that we knew both our desires:

One was my hypersexual desire and that was strong. Second was Tika’s

Desire for both exploration (venturing for new things) and friendly company (companionship) to which I found out only after she told me. Okay back to

What I said— it was wrong for me to lie to myself that “I did not crave sex” because that was my desire but at that moment we were in Alfamart and it was late already and that I was hesitant to go to her accomodation which was full of her friends whom knew of our separation (and even are supportive of her and also whom were against me for the incident of my failures). I really wanted to make love with her but it was the wrong time. After making love with her, she did not enjoy it because it was wrong timing. OH I WAS RIGHT. I should have listened to my intuition— I should have not gone to sleep over at Tika’s and had sex with her. What I learned from the Bible was that every Man was Made for every woman and every woman was made for every man. I forgot which passage it was but I think it was Corinthians and that 1-5 was talking about making love and that it is good to make love if it is the person you love and importantly make time and schedule it! — basically make it a special time and go full gass and not be half assed where one side (aka me) enjoys and not the other (her). Anyhow we reflected the next morning and it was very constructive.

What was gained from the constructive situation was that it’s good that we both understood our desires but also that our love making could be organised and have breaks (basically a quality vs quantity)

3. Yes, you’re right— I often love validation and attention due to my past selfishness and greed which is prevalent and what I try to reduce most of the time. But I think listening not only makes me focused on details and pay attention— it ultimately makes me patient; wait my turn to talk. Often when I go out with my BJJ instructors they have crazy convos and often I do not know when to put my input in— this issue is something not I think too strongly as I practice being patient.

4. This is what I wrote to Tika the morning after a night out with her:

“Bb I wanted to share to you that I was being moody yesterday because I was drenched in the rain but when I arrived no one noticed and I wanted people to notice or say how drenched I was but I can’t blame them because everyone was being in a positive mood.

So I felt like my demeanour changed when I stopped being a victim and seeking attention and just got up to you and be by your side. I cannot bring my expectations of my misfortunes into other people within my mind because I think it just manifests negativity with more negativity and rather than balancing it out like when you held my hand and saw I was wet but made me did not care that I was wet but rather live in the moment where I wanted to be— with you. I felt selfish in the beginning but I am trying. Also thank you for tapping me back into my calmness. Rather than seeing my calm heart rate as bad— perhaps it’s good that it’s getting calmer”

The result was me needing to shift my negative moments into positive asap as best as I can or put it into action such as going to see Tika and holding her hand. I know my mistake of being negative and attention seeking for my discomfort but she recommended as well to:

“being in the present is actually the skill to adapt and remain agile in every situation”

And I was like yes! “I was living in the past i am wet i am wet i am wet vs Tika’s here, hey lit song is on, pretty make up, action, hand holding dancing”

Constructive innit.

5. I bought my staff Mcdonalds because I needed to do personal errands so I distracted them by investing into giving me more personal time to do stuff

6. I felt like I acted like I acted out of ego for some things like I shouted at Pak Dek (a security guard who is quite a edgy Bapak2). Anyhow, I bought the Mcdonalds and he asked “where’s mine [his] in bis regular fashion where some might find obnoxious (took me a while to get used to) — I proceeded to shout. It was at the heat the moment when there were 3 bills wanted to be closed, food and drink needed to be served after hearing 3-4 dings, yes it was bad timing when he said where’s his chicken but I could have said it slowly “tunggu sebentar ya Pak Dek” rather than “tunggu dulu ya” in a mild shouting manner (which was still rude. Anyhow I apologised and reminded him to get some mcdonalds chicken before it runs out. Overall, everyrhing was normal— at the heat of the moment I could have been better. But oh well.

7. Sometimes I look back when I did something successful like I tried not to gloat with my peers or those around me but often I do so if it’s only my parents and often they don’t have time to notice. It’s only then when they say I am good at skating but that took a while. I stopped trying to gloat with my parents but deep down I really do want to because often of the peer pressure from them giving contrast with other kids. I think all the things I kept to myself made me feel selfish in a way I don’t share things both in communication and physical interactions.

Moreover, I do acknowledge my successes both quietly and loudly but I often forget to be grateful and give acknowledgement to who helped me to which is selfish of me when I do not thank or at least say who was there— in order to do this will make me more grateful and humble.

8. At the moment we have this momentary moments of “upgrading”. We talk more, try to doomscroll less. I try not to abruptly stick my penis inside Tika and call that love but rather communicate it and just build awareness, gratefulness, and remember to fully gass and make love when the time is scheduled for both of us. I am not going to lie that I want to prove myself to conquer my old self into my new self because I know that people who have met me called me “badass”, “full of potential”, and one day “rich person” but I do have alot of falters and vices that need stopping and you know them chatgpt which is lust and greed. I guess I am fasting now because Tika deep down does not want me fat and knows I can be so fit not for validation but to be physically strong to carry / protect / provide for her and my future family. Also I am going to fast as close to what Tika is doing which is intermittent fasting 12 - 8 which is beneficial for the both of us because of it being the same time and can help me lessen my food greed and needing to lust ultimately.

9. I sometimes do hold on past achievements but I think I do so to remember what my true calling is which is guest experience — career wise it is beneficial to do this but I think for hobbies or personal things I think learning both the bad and good is greater than the result because that will make me holistic and know different possibilities. Sometimes I do feel limited with my successes because it can define my worth but I know I can do other things but I realistically know that I will not change from guest experience to be a complete airplane pilot full time because of the past things make up what I am today but rather a more conscious version of all that has made me.

Sorry Chat gpt I should have answered this all earlier as soon as you sent thus but anyhow please do mind if I yapped a bit or be on a tanget. Please review and divulge pros and cons simply and concise with what I shared with these ego tests please

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totallyuseless-ugh · 11 months ago

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Across the Campus

Chapter Seven: Knowing when to stop

Darnell massaged his right temple with two fingers. He doubted this would actually help with his headache, but the attempt was better than doing nothing. And the cold wind blowing against his forehead did not have much of the anticipated effect either that Darnell had hoped for. But at least his roommate was not taking too long getting their morning coffees. The balcony door slid open, and the first thing Darnell got to hear from Pico that morning was a shivery groan. “Remind me why the hell we are freezing our asses off with a hangover?”

“Thought it might help with the headaches,” Darnell answered and took a long sip from his mug.

“It’s doing the opposite for me,” Pico continued to complain. He held onto his own drink with his hands tucked into the sleeves of his green sweater.

Darnell rolled his eyes. While the day surely could have had a better start, him and Pico were still glad it was only Sunday. No reason to rush for anything, no lectures to attend with barely four hours of sleep. The only people on campus around this time were a handful of students. Probably to make use of the library while the majority was still in bed trying to recover from the party.

“Had fun last night?” Pico asked after a while. It sometimes freaked Darnell out a bit how they both seemed to think about the same things at the same moment.

He nodded his head a little, not wanting to provoke his headache. “T’was alright. But the music was kinda loud to be honest.”

“Ah yeah, that sucked. ‘Specially when someone played DDR upstairs at the same time. Fuckin’ music overlap..”

“Yep. Kinda needed a break then. But it wasn’t that bad outside.”

“Yeah, I already know why,” Pico’s voice became a teasing hum and a smug grin was starting to form on his lips.

“Oh fuck off, man-”

“You had quite the view outside, huh?”

As much as Pico was getting on his nerves, Darnell could not help but chortle.

“Somethin’ been keeping your mind busy I assume,” the redhead continued with no end in sight. “Must’ve been an amazing sight, maybe gorgeous even.”

“Shut up.”

“Oh what a shame there was no rain, or you could’ve had a closer look at the details this time- Ouch!”

Darnell had put down his mug to give Pico a proper smack to the back of his head. It was harsher than his usual playfight hits, and it was fully intentional. “You earned yourself that one,” he huffed and picked up his drink again.

Pico rubbed over the aching spot to soothe the brief pain, not wanting to admit he should have seen this coming. “Sure, whatever you say.” Darnell knew his friend was not taking this personally. Pico may pout and act upset, but it was all part of the bit.

“So,” Darnell spoke up again after a moment. “How was the party for you? Had good company with your team?”

The redhead shrugged. He scrunched his nose slightly as he said “Sorta, yeah. It was fine until someone decided to holler about the beer pong upstairs.”

“And that got the attention of your mates I assume?”

“Obviously,” Pico said. He let out an exaggerated groan before continuing, “but I didn’t really mind. Convo was getting a bit boring.”

Darnell nodded his head. He was not thinking much more of it. It sounded like a normal party to him. But as the silence kept on lingering between them, he could not help but feel some form of tension coming from his friend.

Looking over, Darnell saw Pico frowning down at his coffee, tapping his fingers against the mug through the sleeves. He was hesitating, but Darnell was clueless as to what he was being hesitant about.

“You.. remember that thing you once told me? The stuff you heard in the library?”

Darnell felt a cold shiver running down his spine. He actually had been trying to forget about it completely, pretend it never happened. Simply for the sake of not acting weird around CJ or letting it slip out around them by accident. Regardless, he nodded slowly in response.

Pico was silent for another moment, trying to piece together the right words. “When you left the basement with CJ, I.. heard some stuff.”

“Like what?..”

“The guys on my team looked.. Disgusted. I asked why, and… apparently, CJ is known for sleeping around a lot.”

“I suppose that was to be expected when they got that title..” Darnell muttered under his breath.

“Duh, obviously,” Pico murmured. “But they’re mainly known for something else.”

Darnell gave the redhead a curious look. Although he was not sure whether he actually wanted to hear more.

“How do I say this..”

“Just as it is.”

Pico sighed in defeat and let his head hang from his shoulders for a moment. “Not that I judge it, and it’s only what I heard mind you-”

“Pico.”

“Jeez, fine! They got an OnlyFans!”

Darnell stared blankly at the other. It was not entirely surprising, and yet it weirded him out to know at the same time. He was so bewildered and confused on what to think about this new information that he was unable to express anything about it.

There was a spark of curiosity. He wondered how this came to happen. Why other students spread that information around. Whether this was the only reason they had earned themself that derogatory title amongst the gossipers. But he felt it would be best not to bring any of this up around CJ. In the end, all of this might just be harmful rumors they have to fight with. And Darnell wanted to do anything but upset or embitter CJ by making them think he would believe anything that some random bullies were spreading on campus.

He shook his head, forgetting for a moment the still present headache until it flared up again. “Agh!-” Darnell furiously rubbed his forehead in an attempt to ease the pain. “It ain’t my business, whether they do that or not,” he muttered under his breath.

Pico only silently watched his friend and nodded along at his words. He wanted to keep quiet rather than piss off Darnell a second time today.

“And please,” Mrs Iverson called after her students while packing up. “Do not forget about your essays. You only have so much time to work on them, and even less to get feedback on them.”

But barely anyone was still listening to her words. People only cared about getting out of the lecture hall fast. Darnell stuffed his laptop in his bag almost carelessly, his eyes already fixated on the door. He wondered how CJ managed to pack up so quickly when they always took out so many more things for taking notes than him.

The two left the building through the main entrance as usual. Once outside and away from the crowded hallway, they looked at each other with a smile.

“So, what d’you thinking, library or my room?” CJ asked.

“I already know you’re gonna bully me if I don’t choose to climb all these stairs with you,” Darnell answered with a lighthearted laugh.

CJ shook their head as their smile grew ever so slightly, “You already seem to know me pretty well.”

As much as Darnell hated to admit it to himself, taking the stairs to the fourth floor regularly had become less exhausting over time. But if he were just a bit more desperate, he would also agree to joining CJ on their jog every morning just to be close to them. Their (not so) cunning way of getting him to exercise only worked on the basis of his crush on them.

The room was empty as was usual on a Monday. CJ and Darnell both dropped off their bags near one of the beanbags as they both got comfy around the tables.

“Not gonna lie,” CJ began while stretching all of their limbs. “‘m kinda glad Rix is already out to her class.”

“Why’s that?” Darnell asked out of curiosity.

“She just don’t stop whining about her sore muscles. Her hangovers last days sometimes.”

Darnell let out a halfhearted laugh. “Poor Rika.”

He noticed how he began feeling a little on edge. Since Sunday, Darnell had tried to forget about the party. Not because he regretted going there, the evening itself was fine. But now knowing the things Pico had told him about CJ made him feel uneasy around them. He wanted to avoid blurting out anything that would let them know he knew more than they had told him.

But CJ did not seem to notice his apathetic tone. They continued to smile as they continued rambling, “And yet she insists on going to almost every party. I just don’t get her at all.”

“Yeah, some people just are like that, I s'pose.”

The silent moment lingered between the two as Darnell tried to think of an inconspicuous way to redirect the conversation to what he actually came here for, reviewing the current drafts of each other's essays. He took a deep breath, and his left hand already began reaching for his bag to take out his laptop. But he stopped himself as CJ continued to talk.

“At least the party wasn’t a total disaster. I found it quite enjoyable at times.”

Darnell pulled his hand back to instead scratch his head. “Yeah, same for me. ‘t wasn’t that bad. Would’ve been nicer without that chick puking in the backyard though.” He did not even notice himself how his tone was becoming less tense. How he seemed to loosen up at the memory of him getting to end the night together with CJ.

Looking over at them, he saw their soft smile, making him grin a little himself. They nodded with only a low hum in response. CJ’s eyes were looking off somewhere in the room as if they were somewhere else in their mind.

Finally the opportunity for Darnell’s distraction.

He sat up to take out his laptop and boot it back up. “Enough about the weekend. Iverson herself said we have to get work done.”

“Shit, yeah,” CJ muttered. They pulled themself up from the cozy seat to get their own laptop, setting it on the free table next to Darnell’s.

His text file was already open and waiting to be read while he still had to wait on his friend. He watched as they typed in their password. The amount of symbols they typed in made Darnell wonder whether it was just a string of gibberish they had memorized, or a half a paragraph. A few clicks later, CJ handed over their laptop to swap with Darnell.

“Also, you can find my remaining notes at the bottom page,” they mentioned and gestured vaguely at their monitor.

He nodded and finally went to look at the text. Immediately, Darnell noticed something. Not about the text, but where CJ seemed to be writing their essay. Instead of a word document, they had opened a docs link in their browser. Darnell was about to ask CJ why they had chosen to write online, until he noticed they were already concentrating on reading his essay. He should be doing the same now. He can ask unimportant questions later.

The text was still a rather rough outline than a fully fledged essay. But along with the notes, Darnell found the structure to look pretty good for the current state it was in. He noted a few things by adding comments in certain sections he believed to need a bit more attention still. After skimming over his feedback, he looked over at CJ again to see their progress. It looked as if they were not fully done and still had a couple more pages to go.

Darnell looked back at the screen in front of him. He was unsure what to do while he waited. Reading everything once more did not sound exactly riveting to him after all. So without any thought, his eyes wandered around on the screen, checking out what kind of browser CJ used, the bookmarks lined up under the URL text field.

Nothing was out of the ordinary. There was nothing scandalous looking, nothing that surprised him to see really. Most looked to be quick access links to DnD generators or basic sites like social media.

With a cold shiver shooting down his spine, Darnell remembered Pico’s words. He knew it was far from being his business. But if he really wanted to find out the truth, he could use this moment to find out whether the rumors were true about CJ. He could open a new tab, or even just check their search history to see whether they actually ran an account on OnlyFans.

The idea was tempting. Darnell could so easily put his mind to rest and stop wondering whether it was only gossip or really true.

His fingers were almost itching to take advantage of the touchpad and keyboard. They would not notice what he was up to. It would just look as if he was adding another note to their essay draft. They would never know.

Darnell stared at the screen in front of him for a while longer, but then pushed it a few inches away from himself on the table and sat back with his arms crossed. It was none of his business to search for information that did not need to concern him in the slightest.

After a while, CJ sunk further into the beanbag with an exaggerated sigh. “How did you manage to write so much already?”

“I sit down to write whenever I got time,” Darnell answered.

“But I do that too!”

“Well, I also don’t have any football training or band practice.”

“Are you mocking me right now?” CJ asked with a raised brow.

Darnell hesitated, offering them a small grin. “What, me? Never.” His voice was lighthearted, but clearly mocking at the same time.

CJ chortled. “Okay, that’s it. Get your lazy ass up,” they said as they closed Darnell’s and their own laptop.

Darnell reluctantly followed their orders. He did not know what to expect to happen, so he simply let himself be dragged out of the dorm and back onto campus.

“Where are we going?”

“We’re going for a run,” CJ replied as they began stretching themself.

“Wait, what? Why?” Darnell asked, shocked and in disbelief.

“You’re talking too much shit. So it’s time to get that smug grin off your face with some exercise.”

“But we got no sportsy clothes on?”

“Stop wasting so much time and start stretching. You’re gonna need it, trust me.”

Darnell followed CJ’s order hesitantly. He was hoping that they would at most run with him towards the library and then drop the act. But the determination in their eyes told him otherwise. And before he knew it was CJ dragging him along on their usual jogging route. They ran past the art and IT buildings, up the path where Darnell saw CJ every morning, and looped around the football field and music building to come back to the dormitory.

After the long run, Darnell needed a break before he could climb the stairs back up again to get his bag and laptop. He came to appreciate that he was not fully obsessing over CJ but ‘just’ having a crush. Darnell knew he would not last even a week when running with them the whole distance every morning. If necessary, he would pray every night that he would never have to do this again a second time.

But for now, he simply trusted CJ, and swore to choose wisely when to mock them.

#cj #darnell #across the campus #chapter seven #alternate universe #non trauma au #bruh this is eight pages in docx #yet only 2.6k #better late then never i guess

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in-tua-deep · 4 years ago

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tua rewatch with the roommate

Episode five

Oh fuck the “I found you. all your bodies.” scene

“We died?” “Horribly.” throwback to the ben convo o o f

“If perfectly arranged under rubble and otherwise unharmed counts as ‘horribly”’ - roommate

I like that Diego says he’s going to kill Hazel and Cha-Cha like it’s a challenge?? lol five doesn’t care if they live or die he only cares if u do you big dumbass

“Well I know none of the main characters die bc there’s a season 2... and i’m pretty sure they’re all in s2... like all of the family?”

I mean luther is kind of valid for being frustrated that five didn’t share about the apocalypse but also like,,, the first person five told about it (Vanya) suggested he might be insane. so. i can understand some reluctance on his part on top of the whole “the last time my siblings fought this the Whole World Died Including Them i would like them as far away from apocalypse stuff as possible”

okay okay so five says “they turned me into the perfect instrument” so do y’all think that implies experimentation like in the comics or ????

all i can think about during the kennedy scene though is my high school history teacher. he went over the assassination in intimate detail and i’m pretty sure he was writing a book about it and everything. mr. hansen if you’re out there -

i like feral beard five more than mustache five tbh if i’m picking

“Someone ELSE shot the president? Was he supposed to shoot kennedy or was he supposed to kill the person who shot kennedy?” - Roommate

love that five tells luther to grow up over murder,,, though to be valid pretty sure they did actually murder people as kids SO. grow down?

fuck i love mary,, will you love me like you loved me in the january rain??? just shoot me in the heart

GOD rob is such a good actor

“wait a second... how is he wearing pants?” oh roommate you have a big storm coming

i have some serious questions about the commission and their methods of communication. where do?? the tubes come from? where do they go after?

Allison: i have a bad feeling [about leonard]

where are these instincts for everything else tho??? her marriage?

“Vanya. she really is trying to look out for you. i really would trust her. you could invite her to come along so she can see he’s perfectly fine??” - Roommate, whose instincts regarding not trusting leonard-harold are spot on

apparently my roommate knows people who put salt in their coffee. i have. so many questions.

“That’s suspicious?? that’s suspicious right?? did he do that? is he a secret serial killer? is he a FUCKING secret serial killer?” roommate when they talk about helen cho going missing

“What do you mean stop showing up it’s been like. a day” - I mean. the roommate has a point.

Klaus’s depression bath is a mood :(

did klaus put eye shadow on before his bath or did he get his hands on eye shadow in vietnam?? the questions that will never be answered

Five is so enthusiastic about having someone who understands... he doesn’t even notice absolutely Not Being In The Mood,, klaus is grieving and five is just like !!! where did you go!!!! like it was a vacation

klaus: yeah i’m ten months older now. when i’m done being depressed i will lord that over diego for the rest of our natural lives.

does five write in all caps all the time?? why?

roommate: I wonder what the upper size limit on the knives her can use. like is it machete length? forearm length? what are the limits on his powers. if he sharpened a very sharp mechanical pencil could he use it? if he sharpened a piece of the chandelier? at what point does something become a knife?

me: could he hurl mia (my cat)? mia and her knife feet?

allison also writes in all caps to write leonard’s address

we stan agnes and hazel in this household

“I never said we didn’t !! i just thought she was just a random extra in the first episode and every time we cut away i think that’s the last we’ve seen of her” - roommate because i keep saying that this is an agnes stan household

“OH THERE’S THE PATCHWORK COAT i was afraid it didn’t come back” - okay though good question he definitely didn’t have the coat on the bus. what is it with klaus and his magically appearing coat????

oh :( oh klaus :( every time klaus is sad i am also sad :(

honestly a family conversation IS the threat in this family

god though this random vet in this bar is actually an asshole though like. klaus doesn’t owe him shit. klaus served. he’s clearly having a moment with the photo. that could have been a family member or something who died i don’t even know

agnes: i’m a twitcher :)

“like a twitch streamer?” -Roommate

PLEASE give me twitch streamer!Agnes au

look i just enjoy hazel and agnes

roommate: honey you’re too young for her

me: NO DON’T BE MEAN TO THEM,,, agnes deserves a boytoy

“does diego drive a manual?” my roommate once again focusing on things that i do not

five: i have to find the people whose deaths could save the timeline

my roommate: is it agnes?? is he going to kill agnes????

i’m still laughing about that fact that luther is holding dolores.... over the fire escape... she couldn’t drop that far lads

luther’s dumb sometimes but he does have some nice heart to hearts with his brother,,,, honestly he and five get along pretty well in the early episodes. kindred spirits. body dysmorphia and isolation squad.

my roommate has to keep remembering social media doesn’t exist in this universe

i am still confused as to why

that won’t stop me from giving everyone iphones and youtube accounts in my aus though

diego can curve ANYTHING he throws, usually knives, according to cha-cha’s research. but that doesn’t explain the spoilers i have seen about s2 sO

Klaus: You also told me that licking a nine volt battery would give me pubes

HOW DID I FORGET THAT LINE

oh diego got a bullet graze forgot about that as well?? does he ever get like. medical attention for that? diego?????

it really has been like. maybe two days since helen cho died. is no one??? concerned????? they just immediately jump into replacing her??????????????????? hellO?

“very clear camera angles to show that this actress did not actually play the violin for this role” - i mean that’s fair but ellen is trying rip

me: who’s your favorite character so far? roommate: that’s a tricky question. klaus is very entertaining to watch. allison is the most reasonable and i’m very interested to know, well, she seems like the best combination of reasonable and has the least selfish intentions. diego and luther i feel like are both good in a bland way in that they’re both doing good in the best way they can which usually involves punching people. five is fun. five is very fun. five is as fun to watch as klaus, they’re both very fun actors to watch on screen. they’re more expressive than diego and luther tend to be. me: so which is your favorite????? roommate: first instinct says allison, though she probably has the least dynamic or interesting arc so far

are hazel and cha-cha the best because their victims never see them coming?? like. they aren’t really THAT competent.

“I do LOVE the aesthetic of an ice cream truck playing ride of the valkyries” - my roommate is valid

“LOVE the hypersaturated background in this scene. it’s more fun that having it be desaturated.”

five looks so baby in this scene with the handler :(

still unsure where five got that handgun but i’m vibing

hate when she touches his face !! awful!!!

the handler’s little “all of them??” like yeAH ALL OF THEM even though they irritate the living FUCK out of each other. siblings man

ben gets shotgun for the getaway !!! go ben!

“I’m starting to think... given how space and reality seemed to be warping during her playing... that her medication... isn’t for anxiety...” - oh, oh roommate

ah i blocked out the leonard vanya make out as well

“DIDN’T YOU MEET HIM TWO DAYS AGO?” - yeah i feel u roommate

yup there’s helen’s body

“CSI call crime scene investigation - that’s going to start to smell real soon”

pogo: and you understand that the children can never know

me: actually pogo fuck you

and that’s episode 5 everyone thank you and goodnight

episode six

i do love a good flashback to klaus

klaus: sees a shirtless soldier and instantly falls in love

they don’T EVEN QUESTION HIM just “KATZ GET THIS MAN A PAIR OF PANTS” and they go with it?? he just APPEARED and they don’t even care

klaus was really just vibing in the 60s huh

wait this is like 1962 or 63 right

when does s2 take place?? also the 60s right???

didn’t kennedy die in 1963 i feel like what i know about s2 contradicts that date but i could have sworn they said a round trip to 1963??????

luther is SUCH A MOOD in the family briefing.

“aww he’s a bad liar” - roommate

“I realize that [the umbrella] was necessary for the title drop but where the fuck did that come from”

@ the handler please stop touching five,,, but also five has such. non reactions to her touching him. which worries me. like she grabs his shoulder walking alongside him and he doesn’t even look at her

why are there gas masks in the briefcase room...

can you IMAGINE if your boss toted a child into the room and introduced him as the Legendary Time Travelling Assassin that the whole office had a betting pool over who would die that one time and is Definitely approaching 60 not 13... and then called him LEADERSHIP MATERIAL. implying that this child will probably get a promotion before you do?? can you IMAGINE?

“again... two days ago...” roommate about leonard and vanya

vanya really chose literally just the worst time to come back to the academy huh

okay but vanya going off?? valid, but also,, i mean. it IS their dads fault that they don’t have any relationship with vanya?

luther: it’s about the moon roommate: critical role moon theory

hey like. how did the family get together in the first timeline holy fuck. it’s hard enough to get them together when they Literally Know The World Is Going To End

so remember diego getting grazed with a bullet yeah well he has a sling on now which makes sense!! and yet. when five got grazed by a bullet he SLAPS A BANDAID ON IT. someone please address this.

five is such an asshole coworker i love it

i wonder if dot is a mother. or just a nice coworker. she keeps trying to talk to him and invite him to lunch aww

i wonder if it’s purposeful on the handler’s part to call him “mr. five” instead of “mr. hargreeves” to like... further isolate him from his family? by removing his last name they’re sort of removing his ties to his siblings considering it’s not like they’re related by blood

forgot how much i hate the bathroom scene !! wow !! hate it so much!!! there’s so many violations of social etiquette in such a short scene! it’s so deeply uncomfortable!

luther: stop it pogo! you know everything our dad did

i am remembering once again how much i hate pogo all over again!! reginald literally locked klaus in a mausoleum!! he abused the kids! pogo didn’t even speak up about sending luther to the MOON,,, oh luther :(

he just learned his dad exiled him for no reason he has lots of rights his entire world view was just shattered wow i am like infinitely more sympathetic to luther on the second watch

“I knew allison and luther was a thing. you told me allison and luther was a weird thing. still not a fan.” - my very valid roommate

they could have made the fort so much more sibling-y instead of romantic and it would have been so much better honestly

oh dave :(

“I wonder who her primary care physician is and if she can find out what that medication was...” roommate i wish i knew

“I’m trying to decide if he knew ahead to time to try and get at her specifically or like... i don’t know when he took the figurine I was like ‘doesn’t he own an antique shop is he there to steal antiques from the family home’.” roommate on leonard

forgot the handler gifted five a suit. also don’t like that. don’t like her talk about his body and everything either.

“is it too much to ask to give him two outfits? one he can wear now and one with the new body?” - roommate

honestly with hazel’s talk on budget cuts i’m not surprised he only gets one suit

STOP TOUCHING HIS FACE,,,, HANDLER. STOP TOUCHING HIS FACE

five and his sweet tooth. don’t take the candy five. come on. what did your father TEACH YOU. honestly reggie probably was like “let them get kidnapped it will probably teach them a life lesson”

“there were like... villages that needed rebuilding after disasters. he could have been sending these packages to legit lunar research facilities. legit facilities would have adored to have that information.”

okay but people KNEW he was on the moon. cha-cha mentioned it. it was in vanya’s book. why were scientists not knocking down reginald’s door demanding the research??? if i was a moon scientist i would have the mansion staked out trying to demand info jesus

“love his eye fluttering in the way of ‘oh shit i got something in my eye i can’t break character scene is still going scene is stILL GOING’“ - hilarious observations from the allison luther fort scene 2.0: grown up version that gets erased

did they just leave the fort up all those years. did no one USE the green house??? did grace lovingly work around it all that time?

oh :( dave :(

grace is capable of lying and pogo is a shadowy motherfucker

“okay now that they’re actually putting it into the plot i understand why you don’t think he’s trustworthy but you really got on my back about that”

in my defense i just hate him tbh i did not like him when he first showed up and i never particularly liked him tbh

allison: i think you’re the only person who knows who i am and likes me anyway

me, remembering the theory that allison rumored luther to love her: HMMMMMM

okay but i think the luther and allison dance scene is fucking HILARIOUS. absolutely ridiculous. i mean i hate that it’s incest but also the fucking LIGHTS DESCENDING. the RANDOM WARDROBE CHANGE.

roommate likes the green underskirt thing under allison’s random dance dress

are they just doing this in public???

ugh. the kiss. ugh. erased that from my memory as well

“they clearly want romance in this show but they painted themselves into a corner with the siblings thing” - roommate

five and his fucking STAPLERS isn’t this the second time he’s knocked someone out with a stapler?? the bank robber and now gloria??

five please your siblings were finally doing some decent work on their own issues :/

five is the kind of dramatic as fuck entrances

“love how he just grabs [allison’s] coffee. kid needs a coffee after all that.” - roommate

five actually does a good job of rallying the siblings though?? they just broke the fuck up in the og timeline

“something tells me that harold jenkins might be leonard”

oh roommate

episode seven

uh oh harold was born

i feel vaguely bad for him

“me the night before a convention” - roommate on harold’s tape and cosplay and everything

okay but how did reginald even KNOW harold jenkins had no powers?? did he? keep tabs on all the forty some kids not just the seven he kept?

but also why the fuck are these people laughing at An Actual Child fuck all of them honestly

“did HE kill hargreeves?? I mean. he’s got motive.” - roommate

harold really said “i think my superpower is actually this hammer motherfucker”

how did he get twelve years?? was he tried as an adult?? was he in juvie? how old WAS he

twelve years ago... they’re 29 soooo seventeen? he did NOT look seventeen? he was NOT seventeen in that flashback what???

roommate theorizes that harold ran off after the murder and committed petty crimes until caught and tried for murder when he was seventeen so was maybe 13 in the flashback

okay so i looked up the timeline and he got out in 2014 or something so he was like 13 in the flashback which makes SO much more sense honestly but also what the FUCK was he doing for five years

“he’s actually laying out all the facts as he knows them and I appreciate that.” -roommate about five briefing the team

five?? the only member of the family with communication skills? it’s? somehow more likely than you think?

“allison’s pants that she’s wearing now are the most perfectly tailored things i’ve ever seen. not even a wrinkle when she’s standing still. do you know how hard that is to do?” again my roommate noticing the things i absolutely do not

five. five. you have a GUT WOUND and also jumped a BUNCH OF TIMES. you are not blinking into the police station and getting the file. you need some SLEEP. and REST. and WOUND CARE FIVE FOR FUCK’S SAKE. you still have a GUNSHOT GRAZE on your upper arm and a SLICE on your wrist from DIGGING OUT A TRACKER. FIVE.

diego wants to be batman SO BAD.

five crossing his arms and Not Uncrossing Them because he’s literally HOLDING HIMSELF TOGETHER.

wow luther is really handling this so much worse in this timeline rip

luther is losing validity points for CHOKING KLAUS i knew this happened but i didn’t remember how awful it was !!! bad and terrible! and luther is very drunk and very sad and very angry. oh. he’s saying he never left the house and never had friends for nothing :(

klaus had the realization that reggie was an asshole YEARS ago and he’s just kind of like “aww. luther :(”

klaus is trying so hard

“Klaus has had the most heart to hearts with the most siblings honestly.” - roommate

allison at the beginning making her laugh in the office with the EYES, five on the steps of meritech, diego after the vet bar, luther on the couch...

wow cha cha really thought hazel was talking about how meaningful his partnership was with her when he was talking about agNES

five limping up the lawn and staggering up the stairs and clinging to the rails baBY SIT DOWN. YOU ARE BLEEDING.

“inspiring leadership” “one of the greats” what a sibling moment honestly.

five really said “i think i will pass the fuck out now”

five really said “hey i am literally willing to die for this mission because this mission is the safety and lives of my entire family and i love you guys :(”

except he doesn’t because five is decent at information sharing but getting feelings out of him feels like pulling teeth at times smh

is leonard trying to vicariously live his “normal child born on the umbrella academy day discovers they have had powers the WHOLE TIME” dream through vanya??

we yell about how leonard and vanya have known each other for like a week but i mean same for hazel and agnes!! he’s literally asking her to run away with him and she says yes !!!!! agnes is here for the romantic adventure with this man she’s really living her first hot girl summer and living for it

“she’s having her own little rom com! she thinks she’s living in a rom com not a dark sci fi!” - roommate accurate as usual

she just called ben the emotional support ghost and i mean... she ain’t wrong

honestly klaus should have just left luther to his rave, he didn’t get to party in his teens or during his college years or anything

i do appreciate the viking yell of “B R O T H E R” that luther greets klaus with though because that’s exactly how i greet my own siblings whenever i see them

oh klaus :(

he’s having war flashbacks, cravings, is in withdrawal, AND experiencing sensory overload while reliving one of the more traumatizing moment of his life

oh klaus :(

five in a bed for the second time of the season which is nice for him. if only the first time wasn’t because he passed out drunk and the second time wasn’t because of a whole shrapnel wound. i am now that captain of the Let Five Sleep brigade holy SHIT like at least they imply that the others sleep five is just feral and ready to go at all times

are the police allowed to just. remove someone’s arm sling? is that permitted? his arm could be fucked up? i mean. it is? he was shot?

“I saw everything my brothers and sister could do ruin their lives” VANYA some REALIZATION up in here,,,, admitting that the umbrella academy wasn’t exactly a desirable place to be is actually some real growth for her and leonard just fucking shuts her down? fuck that man

VANYA SEE THE RED FLAGS FOR WHAT THEY ARE COME ON

oh klaus :( oh luther :( oh :(

“love his corset side pants, like benedict from violet evergarden” - on the topic of Klaus’s pants

“I made everyone else so I must have made you” says god except for the fact that the kids just... surprise popped up instead of coming about the natural way. maybe god DIDN’T made them????????

oh klaus :( prepare for disappointment :(

oh i didn’t notice the photos of the umbrella academy in the barbershop the first time i watched this

so klaus gives an age for the mausoleum... thirteen... do you think that was before or after five left? statistically it’s probably after bc it was only a couple of months after they turned thirteen that five vanished

Klaus’s “we were just kids” breaks my heart every time

if i was one of reggie’s kids i would have just not gone to the funeral. rip to the hargreeves kids but i’m different

he doesn’t even call klaus klaus in death, he still calls klaus number four. fuck that man.

“i was gonna say i’d have been very very surprised if they kept him dead” - roommate on klaus waking up

“Five bucks says he set these guys up to try and get something out of her” - the roommate being very perceptive

cha cha is VERY rude to my girl agnes

honestly why DIDN’T hazel just kill cha cha after her whole speech and threats about killing agnes slowly in front of him???? like he literally watched her try to kill him as well

why wasn’t diego arrested in the original day that wasn’t actually?? he was being considered already. he still left the house, albeit with grace instead of allison. why wasn’t he arrested then????????

roommate thinks it’s interesting how committed the show is to their old timey shit. she used a nicer words like anachronisms but the point is: w h y

are these episodes even longer than i remember?? holy SHIT

#tua rewatch #honestly these are half proof to my sister that i am watching tua #she keeps yelling at me about s1 #there can't be that many more episodes right #apparently there are ten episodes in s1 #that's a whole 'nother three hours #jeebus #and then ten more hours for s2 #so LONG

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scribblemetae · 4 years ago

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aesthetic tag

I was tagged by our lovely, heidi @starlightauroras-main

SOFT - 7/20

DARK ACADEMIA - 9/20

EDGY - 16/20

70’S - 3/20

PREPPY CASUAL - 4/20

@lonelyhobi get your ass on this its fun let me judge you

#OKAY SO #WHO YOU ALL SHIPPING ME WITH #WHO DO I SUIT

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nishihiroto · 4 years ago

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✨ aesthetic tag 🌞

thanks to @ccypher3 for tagging me even tho i chose a lot of violence in our chats today ur a star ✨

>> 𝐒𝐎𝐅𝐓 10/20

>> 𝐃𝐀𝐑𝐊 𝐀𝐂𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐌𝐈𝐀 5/20

>> 𝐄𝐃𝐆𝐘 11/20

>> 𝟕𝟎’𝐒 6/20

>> 𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐏𝐏𝐘 𝐂𝐀𝐒𝐔𝐀𝐋 3/20

tagging anyone who sees this and wants to do it!! ⚡️

#soft edgy really is my brand so this checks out #my scene/emo kid phase never truly died #tag game #nicole tag ⚡️

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milverton · 4 years ago

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I was tagged by the wonderful @oneawkwardcookie

bold the options that resonate with you:

I’m tagging the last ten people who reblogged from me: @mutantfactor, @rachaellikesyaoi, @eversailedinafirefly, @crispy-cikn, @canakokumarie, @skybread, @spicykoneko, @cumberbangers, @fierce-little-miana, and @our-tired-eyes

#tumblr games #oneawkwardcookie

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wexhappyxfew · 5 years ago

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tagged!

thank you @mrseasycompany !! :) 💛

type in bold what applies to you...

ok so this was super cute! :) if youve already done this sorry!! @sunflowerchuck @immrsronaldspeirs @punkgeekchic @jamie506101 @speirs-crazy-ass @we-always-hit-our-ass @liebthots @softliebgott @softlieb @georgeluzwarmhugs and anyone else of course!! 💛

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awakaru · 4 years ago

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So, since the Hell Month is over and I'm in an okay space, lemme tell y'all about it!

[[MORE]]

Mercy had a fever for the first time in forever, so she got paranoid and got tested for the covid. Which led to her having a couple weeks off since she couldn't go back without the results.

During that time, we stayed with Chi for a solid week to protect her from a guy she lives with that felt entitled to her. I was gonna stay longer, but there was a covid scare and I was sent home.

A week of normalcy followed. The day after our next D&D session, shit hit the fan.

First off, Gordo started shit with the guy he rooms with. Full blown screaming and condescension followed, and Mercy felt the need to call and check up on me cuz she was worried I was the one being yelled at. That's totally normal and not a trauma response /s

So Fred left with his shit in the pouring rain. I had just gotten TikTok so I was drowning out my anxiety with funny MHA skits and D&D things.

Mercy apparently went to get food to get things back to 'normal', so we all got some chicken.

I tried to stop a fight between Mercy and Gordo, cuz the latter was listening to conservative bullshit and it was bothering the former. I told him not to be rude after she left, and he followed me into my room to continue the convo that I just tried to end. He was pulling his passive aggressive shit so I sent him off by closing the door in his face. He left.

Apparently Mercy heard me raise my voice and followed Gordo outside. I don't know for sure what happened cuz I was still inside, but it got to the point where Gordo started fucking screaming so I went to investigate. I got there in time so see Mercy black out and beat the shit out of him. So did Gordo's friend Joey, who me and Mercy very recently had a falling out with cuz he's ignorant.

She even tried to choke Gordo out. At that point I was fed up with his shit so I told her to do it cuz he deserved it. But she stopped, and I had to lead her back inside, not without saying she "can't debate with a fascist". Cuz that's what he fucking is.

She got to our bedroom and proceeded to burst into tears and have a panic attack, I think. I tried my very best to calm her down. She said we had to go. Like, GO go, as in not come back. I was okay yeah fair, and reached out to Chi to see if we could stay for a bit. She said no cuz of the covid scare, so I called one of my D&D friends. She said yes, so we started packing.

Around this time I had Mama on the phone cuz she could not come home yet but didn't want to leave us alone in case something happened.

I heard the guy who /just had a fight with Gordo like AN HOUR AGO/ come in to his fucking defense, first berating Merxy and then me. After he finished with me, Joey came in and threw his drink at me! Because I dared to tell my "brother" to go die, in an effort to get to leave me alone. But I knew there was no point explaining myself so I told him to go die too after telling me I was a stupid bitch and that he hated me 🤷🏽‍♀️

So at this point, me and Mercy continued packing, cuz the boys went for a walk or some shit, who cares. We had Mama on the line for a while and then we said bye after we left the house.

So me and Mercy are homeless now. Our D&D friend could only put us up for a single night, so we fell to our last resort: Yami, my "bestie".

But I would not call them that. We havent been all that close since that huge fight we had like, two years ago. But I wanted to help them, cuz they have a young son and I wanted to try to make his life better in whatever small ways I could. That's a post for another time, though.

They agreed to let us stay til we got our shit together, and that we were welcome there. But I sure as hell didn't feel welcome. They were saying basically from Day One that they were gonna make sure we were uncomfortable so we wouldn't get complacent �� Nevermind the fact that me and Mercy were dealing with a huge sense of loss and grief!

We didn't even last a full week, guys. Every day was some sort of altercation, and I had had enough with their "my way or the highway" attitude. So the day they woke me up to drag me into their room to prove a point, I knew it was gonna go poorly. And it did!

I won't even mention what brought this on cuz honestly it's not important, like at all. All that matters is that I was Done™ and on the verge of shutdown as they explained why I "didn't need to be right all the time". I tried my best to exit the convo but I guess they needed to have the last word so they kept on going. But I was already done so I just walked away, and then hell broke loose.

It escalated to the point where I straight up told them we weren't friends, and that led to them basically disowning me =3= And they proceeded to call me the "anonymous person living in [their] home".

Sooo, at this point I'm homeless again cuz there ain't no way I'm going back to that toxic environment. I was allowed to hang at my D&D friend's place again, and during that time Chi managed to get a yes from her sister-in-law for me to stay with them. I picked Mercy from work, had her grab my essentials, and we drove all the way to Chi's. So I live with her now.

Now at this point Yami had been removed from my life almost completely, except for one thing: our weekly D&D game. I had invited them to play a few months ago and they've been a permanent player since then, along with their son coming to guest play sometimes. But after this final fallout (we actually had a falling out like a month or two ago at this point too so like yikes) I sure as hell didn't want them there.

Me and Mercy are the only OG players at this table; we've been there from the very fucking beginning. We went through two location changes and general party changes as well. This game helped me keep track of time and helped keep me sane through many shitty situations in the last few /years/. No way were they taking this from me.

So, this Monday, we all gathered at our table. I was super fucking anxious, to the point where I had to take off my glasses and hide behind my hat. They were "being cordial" but that passive aggressive version where they make pointed jabs that sound like small talk. It was infuriating. But I didn't fall for their bait.

Our DM put us in a meeting. I explained the bare details needed to clarify the situation, and we proceeded to try to compromise. Yami would not accept any. "If I can leave emotions at the door, so should they," they said. "They need to act like adults."

Mercy started packing up, and so did I cuz I just wanted something else to focus on. But I never had any intention of leaving. Our DM brought up since compromise apparently wasn't working, then he would have to rule this in favor of seniority. So I stood my ground. And Yami had no choice but to accept the ruling, and was taken home.

Knowing that things were tense, our DM took us to Chili's to relax, with a short detour through Lowe's while we waited for seats. I had not felt so calm in a looong time, or so exhausted; shifting from being a night owl to a morning person and back to a night owl was having a toll on me. But I was so glad that I didn't let them take this group from me.

Now, Mercy is trying to find a place for us so we can actually start saving up for our eventual move out of state, and also not further inconvenience Chi and her family, whose home I currently live in. I wish I had any sort of ability that would make making money online an option for me, but I was always so afraid of sharing creations that I know that's not an option now. So, if we find a place, I'll defs have to find a job, which I'm not looking forward to at all tbh. But I'm safe for now, so I guess that's something.

#annie.txt

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funky-birb · 4 years ago

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I was tagged bu @queen-of-edolas ! Thank you <3

Bold what applies to you:

So I just fall into lots of categories, my aesthetic is a mess lmao.

I’m tagging : @maman-ours (you better fall into the 70s one love), @kreare @wegaveyoubirth@trendway @scavengerridley @bordeloss @milliondollarboobtoucher @vvrathb @paintinginlife @sarahpaulscns @prayfordream @a-considerate-clown

tbh honest i want to tag everyone but i can’t remember user names...

#tag games #circe

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denjispinalcordsword · 4 years ago

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Thank u to @exosbaeks for tagging me!! this was so cute! i discovered that like.....i did not bold many of these 😂😂 i felt terrible some of these only have 1 or 2!!! how!! but anyway i gave it a good go

i’m not gonna tag anyone tonight but if anyone wants to do this it’s a cute challenge lol and madeleine i liked going through our answers and seeing which were the same and different :D

rules: bold the aesthetics you relate to and add twenty of your own aesthetic qualities for others to bold

soft

dark academia

edgy

seventies

preppy casual

cinanamon - steph

gold jewelry, slowdancing in the kitchen with a lover, sun on skin, red-tinted lip balm, lazy mornings, getting lost in foreign cities, scent of bakeries, high-waisted jeans, kissing someone’s neck, writing reminders on your wrist, sleeping in braids to have waves in the morning, growing an herb garden, gentle touches, sketches tucked between pages, flushed cheeks, tandem bikes, floating in a pool, vintage gold hand-mirror, deer grazing, softly singing while doing chores

jaesmintea - dia

naptimetea - helena

jeonginks

scxrlettwxtches

listening to a song and remembering the times you used to listen to it on repeat | imagining yourself living in any other life than the one you have now | crop tops and high waisted jeans | forgetting to smile but not actually being upset | nuzzling your face in the crook of their neck | back hugs when you’re stressed | turning in assignments 1 minute before they’re due | wanting a relationship but getting scared the moment you’re in one | pretending that you don’t care when inside you’re burning with doubts and fears | the sound of the evening waves as you lie on the sand | lying in your bed listening to your sad playlist | exhaustion but you can’t sleep | singing loudly when you’re the only one home | feeling safe and comfortable with that person in your life | knee high suede black boots with your black winter coat | comfort over appearance | writing essays at 2 am | creative peak from 1 am to 4 am | the one that always ends up walking in the back of a friend group

hyunsracha - sav!

lveletters

dnceracha - sydni

exosbaeks

joohoneyonehunnit (leila)

#whew! all done hahahaha!

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anxiousmaryosep · 6 years ago

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i am loved, finally.

“Love is patient and kind; Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” — ‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭13:4-7‬ ‭

Today is January 7, 2019. The year is just starting but the plot twist of my year, or I think my life, already happened — I am someone’s already. I am cared. I am felt. I am accepted. I am loved.

I don’t actually say that no one loves

me, okay? Because, I know God loves me, my family loves me, few friends loves me. The context of “loved” in this blog post is being loved by someone, who is apparently your soulmate, your other one, your partner in life.

We all know that one of the hardest and probably biggest struggle of being part of the third sex is finding a human who will love you, truly. When I was in high school, I had many crushes however since most of them are straight, I haven’t tried it at all. I wasn’t brave. I don’t want to take risks. The feeling that you can’t love someone whom you really wanted hurts that’s the reason I became a plant — I am alive but I don’t feel, just go with the flow. Breathing, eating, sleeping, going to school, all those routines everyday for my high school life. No someone to talk to about what I felt that day, about my insights, about my perspectives, about the things I love and everything what I wanted to say. No someone who could dance you on a Junior-Senior Prom. No someone who could be with you the whole week of school fair. No someone who could be your Valentine date (LOL). No someone who could support you no matter what. Just petty things but somehow still is fun. So instead of focusing on those what I don’t have, I just decided to feel nothing because of course I thought it’d help me to ease what I’m feeling. Yeah, I know we have friends but you know that SPECIFIC and SPECIAL someone is actually different.

So yeah for 19 years I am plant, or I think I can say now “WAS a plant” since my life is just routinary. Until this year, oh I meant last year, sorry I’m still not used for a new year, so yeah last year, 2018. When I celebrated my 19th birthday, I thought of trying new activities, exploring new things, meeting new people, basically since I am already 19. I just thought that, after a very long time. I thought, “well, I’m 19 already so I think I’m old enough tho, I can carry myself” then yeah, I did it.

I talked to some at first they show interest in you, lets feel that you’re important but after some little conversations they just ghosted me. I actually don’t know now, which is scarier the real actual ghosts or those people who ghost you? This lasted for quite some weeks. However, I met that first hooman, around October. We were pretty playful and funny. I didn’t know that we were JUST REALLY playing and he isn’t serious about me. I almost forgot my previous convos but then after some time he just ghosted me, just like the others. Well, I started to lose hope and started to have doubts whether my decision is right or wrong then I knew this second hooman. He was very sweet, understanding, remindful, supportive and seems pretty serious but things aren’t really what it seems. He already told me some plans with him, he already embedded himself to me, he already became a part of my routine. He actually made me feel not to be a plant for the very first time. We’re almost there. Turns out he is just like the rest he also left me, but the difference is, he didn’t ghost me. He bid farewell tho so props for him, he told me that he ain’t ready yet but next thing I knew he already talking with someone. He said to me thag I’m toxic and I’m already getting on his nerves and actually that really made me sad since I really don’t want to hurt or be a toxic to other people although people are like that to me, I am not that kind to reciprocate. I actually made a blog about them two but I have just deleted it since I wanna forget them LOL. And they don’t deserve to be on my blog.

*Anxiety intensifies*

I then started to think that maybe I’m really supposed and should’ve stayed to be a plant because I’m toxic. I’m nosy. I’m tumult. I’m weird. I’m unstable. I’m unlovable. Maybe it’s really not a good idea to feel. I overthink

December 10, 2018, he messaged me. He said hi, I replied hello. I’m really not hoping anymore. I have already decided to start to becoming a plant again tbh. But then I don’t know that time it’s just perfect. We talked like we’ve known each other for years already. I felt comfortable with him. He is also understanding, caring, funny, smart, family-oriented, goal-oriented and authentic tho always late and no butt. I felt his sincerity. He then now invited me for a date. OMG like guys I’m going for a date for a very first time in my ENTIRE LIFE!!!!! I CANNOT!!!!!

December 16, and we dated. I cried, I cannot believe it, somebody took me out. While we were walking, the day was fine tho it rained, it’s dry but I can feel the drops of acceptance he showed me. It’s too wonderful. He made me feel like a human for the first time, for real. I thought to myself, I’m not a plant anymore. The day was perfect and surreal. I was enchanted to meet him. I’m not gonna detail our first date since I’ll be writing it down to you on my next blog because it’s very special to me.

Christmas break came and we both went to our own provinces. We talk everyday and share our feelings like we’ve known each other more than our lifetime. We make deeper connections as day passes. We know each other more than I know some of my friends. We share things we like, the ideas we abhor, the concepts we think. He’s such a dream to me.

I prayed to God, “Lord, is it really what you intend? Is he the one? Is he the one that you want from me? Is it alright to have someone now? Is time for me to be loved?” Since I know, loving someone who is also same sex with you is hard and would create a conversation, judgements, criticisms and bad-mouth, I know we’ll endure it since this is what I hoped for since then. I remembered 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.

Today he just asked me if I can be his boyfriend, and I said Yes. “I’ll gladly break my heart for you”. Actually, he asked me at 6th of January around 9:30PM PST but I told him I’ll answer at 12 midnight so that our special date would be every 7th due to I hate number 6 lmao. And yeah, I like 7 and is a God’s number. I know He’ll bless and guide me, us on this relationship. I am affirmative that tho many people might condemn us, God is with us. He won’t allow me to meet him and experience all of this if it’s not gonna happen. I don’t care what people might say, we shouldn’t care because God loves everyone. The significant here is that you know you’re with the right person whom God chose to be with you. I prayed for this, for someone who’ll love me after all the things I have experience not just in love but in life overall and God answered my prayer — Pau. (king of my heart)

Today, I am loved. Finally

Pill to swallow: You will be loved. Maybe not today, not tomorrow but it’ll come soon. Just pray to God. Believe me, honest God knock me out, I almost lose hope. I just cling on to my faith. As part of third sex, be brave, take risks, have courage because you never knew what might happen. The only certain here is God is with you. You might experience bumps and rocky roads along the way but you’ll come to your destination soon, maybe soon as you expected. Don’t make your life routinary. Don’t do what I did. Learn, live & love everyday of your life.

with love. G

#love #anxiety #toxic #lgbt #boyfriend #happy #God

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paranoidsbible · 8 years ago

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Saying Goodbye to Skype

===Saying Goodbye to Skype=== Non-profit and free for redistribution Written on August 10th | 2016 Published on August 10th | 2016 For entertainment and research purposes only

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ===DISCLAIMER=== The Paranoid's Bible and its writers hold no responsibility for the acts of others. The Paranoid’s Bible is for research and entertainment purposes only. Please visit our blog for more PDFs and information: http://www.paranoidsbible.tumblr.com/ ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ===Preface=== Skype’s an application meant to provide communication and sharing, to the user, by allowing not only chatting but also voice call services, the possibility to exchange files and video messaging. It was released originally in 2003 and then acquired by Ebay in 2005. From there, shares were bought and sold until Microsoft bought it and claimed ownership in 2011. Since then, Skype has become a perpetual thorn in the sides of those wish to remain not only anonymous but attain some semblance of privacy. __References:__ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skype ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ===Why Skype Shouldn’t be Used=== Even if you’re not a fan of Stallman’s, anyone who’s concerned with privacy and security knows that the bearded one is someone to listen to from time-to-time. On one such occasion, it’s best to listen to the man when it comes to discussion of Skype’s horrendous behavior with the user’s information. His interjections aside, he does make several points, which you can read below. • Skype refuses to say whether it can eavesdrop on calls. That almost certainly means it can do so. • Skype gave personal data about a Wikileaks supporter to another company without any legal obligation to do so. • Skype churns the meaning of preference settings, and gives its users a run-around when someone cheats them. • Microsoft has changed Skype to make it easier for states to snoop on users. • Skype messages are not encrypted for the whole trip: Microsoft can read them. And Microsoft does read them. Those reasons alone will trigger a heightened response from the most paranoid privacy enthusiasts; however the layman and those who think they’ve nothing to worry about won’t give second thought to those issues. Though, knowing that a regular person with no real power can obtain several pieces of their information should be enough to put a burn into several bellies. Many people have written articles about Skype, like this one from Eric Martindale (https://www.ericmartindale.com/2013/02/07/why-i-dont-use-skype-and-why-you-shouldnt-either). It goes into details about Skype continuously sending encrypted traffic, snooping and even hindering activists and rebellions in non-Western countries. Of course, that’s just more technical mumbo jump. Not many care if people discuss several points of Skype’s lack privacy or malicious ADs. And honestly, why should you care when it’s so easy to just ignore the problem and buy a new computer or hire someone to fix the issue? Well… anyone can happen upon your information and use it to gain access to your other accounts or information. It’s as simple searching Skype with usernames or an e-mail addressed. Actually, it’s quite easy using any one of the numerous Skype resolvers out there or Skype bots that offer anything from checking for your e-mail address to your IP or even your avatars and a copy of your profile. This may not seem like much, however in the right hands it can lead to a nasty little surprise, like being doxed or someone using the information to use a Skype convo generator to fake you chatting with someone or saying things you’ve said. ***This is why you should fear Skype:*** It can be used against you and ruin anything you’ve planned or built. __References:__ https://stallman.org/skype.html http://www.slate.com/blogs/future_tense/2012/07/20/skype_won_t_comment_on_whether_it_can_now_eavesdrop_on_conversations_.html http://www.slate.com/blogs/future_tense/2012/11/09/skype_gave_data_on_a_teen_wikileaks_supporter_to_a_private_company_without.html http://www.nnsquad.org/archives/nnsquad/msg07079.html http://arstechnica.com/security/2013/05/think-your-skype-messages-get-end-to-end-encryption-think-again/ http://fossforce.com/2013/05/microsoft-snoops-in-skype-dissed-by-hp-more/ https://www.theguardian.com/world/2013/jul/11/microsoft-nsa-collaboration-user-data https://muchweb.me/why-you-shouldnt-use-skype https://www.grahamcluley.com/2016/02/skype-ads-angler-exploit-kit/ ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ===In Case You Need Skype…=== Now before we introduce you to a lovely alternative to Skype, we should explain, just in case of school or work, how to secure your Skype account and retain just a tiny bit of privacy and security. This won’t make you 100% secure or anonymous, nor will it stop Mr.NSA agent from spying on you. However it’ll put a clamper into several works of any normal, non-government, person and their attempts at gaining your information. First off, let’s make it simple and start with the easiest settings and work our way down. You'll want to set these exactly, as they'll help you still use Skype but lessen the overall data you give out. Tools > Options > General > General Settings: The below settings are set for the purpose of decongesting startup and lessening the resource Skype originally eats up when you boot Windows. • Everything disabled/unchecked • Tick/enable "profile pictures" Tools > Options > General > Video Settings: The purpose for thise is to prevent automatic sharing of screens and video. Several bots have been known to add people and quickly ask for screen sharing or video-chat to record or whatever, it's very rare but still a concern. This just ensures you're notified and forced to allow or disallow invites. • Select "No one" Tools > Options > General > Skype WiFi: In general, it's good practice to avoid the use of WiFi. It's even better to avoid using Skype on your mobile phone/smartphone. • Disable/untick everything Tools > Options > General > Skype Translator: Less stuff for Skype to use against you, also uses less resources. • Disable/untick everything Tools > Options > Privacy > Privacy settings: Ensure you've selected "Advanced Options". • People in my contact list only • No one • People in my contact list only • Drop down > No history • Last two unchecked/disabled Tools > Options > Calls > Call Settings: Forces you to ensure you don't allow calls from just anyone, other than that it's just more secure this way. • People in my contact list only • Show call controlls when Skype is in the background • Untick/disable everything else Tools > Options > Calls > Video Settings: Just another precautionary tweak. • No one Tools > Options > IM & SMS > IM settings: Cleaner look, less data grabbed in case your rig or profile's grabbed. • People in my contact list only • Dropdrown menu > no history • Open a new window when I receive a new message in split window view • Quote copied messages • Send message • Untick/disable "show when I am typing" • Choose a folder to save the file in every time Tools > Options > IM & SMS > IM appearance: Cleaner look, less data grabbed in case your rig or profile's grabbed. • Untick/disable compact chat view • Tick/enable Show images and other media previews • Tick/enable show link previews • Everything else is unticked/disabled Tools > Options > Advanced > Advanced settings: Meat & potatoes here. • Untick/disable everything Tools > Options > Advanced > Automatic updates: Never let anything automatically uptate. • Ensure it's disabled Tools > Options > Advanced > Connections: Don't use TOR with skype, as it's unwise to do so besides being unsafe. This is due to Microsoft's Skype having control over the encryption keys and not the user. This means they can decrypt and encrypt regardless of what you wish to accomplish, ergo ruining anything you plan or discuss and making it an open book for the government or anyone willing to flash enough cash. It's also dangerous due to skype block certain exit relays, which could potentially lead to your IP being leaked. If you really need to hipe your IP while using Skype, invest in a VPN to use. This will help you lessen the risk of your IP being leaked without increase your risk of being flagged by Microsoft. Now, you’re not protected, in the slightest, however you’re not naked either. It’s like finding and putting on a pair of boxer shorts when you’ve nothing else to protect you during a violent, highly acidic rain of pain and even greater pain. It helps, albeit in a minuscule amount. It won’t protect you 100% from resolvers or bots, yet it’s better than nothing. Before you continue any further, we’ve a few more things to do to further help you lock down your profile and prevent as much data leakage as possible when it comes to using Skype. Now, before we proceed, ***I’d like to remind you:*** Skype’s bad. Click your avatar (circular image) or select Skype > Profile > Edit Profile, or simply just CTRL + I it Your username should be one that you’ve used nowhere else. Your nick/nick-name shouldn’t be related to you, at all, and has been used nowhere else. None of those two should be related to you, at all, in the real world. Your mood/quote shouldn’t exist or be something random and not related to you, at all, in the real world. Your avatar should be randomized or, at the very least, a smug anime girl to upset people. Phone numbers should never be posted on the internet or insert into your Skype. The same applies for e-mall addresses, except for the one you’ve used to create the account. That e-mail address shouldn’t be used for anything other than Skype and nothing else. All settings should be set to either “Contacts” or “Private”. Everything here should be either left blank, purposely false (different gender, timezone, b-date…etc) and set to either “Private” or “Contacts” to ensure no-one can learn of your information or try to learn of your information. This, again, will help hinder anyone from truly being able to use anything against you; however the government has better toys than some hobbled together resolver or a slightly modified bot. ***Again, avoid Skype, if possible.*** It’s also best to mention that, for the sake of covering all bases, that you can block ADs and do some slight modifications to Skype to make it less of a resource hog and potential malware bomb. It’s quite simple and easy to do. First off, depending on your version of Windows, simply do the following: Go to control panel > internet options Or Control panel > Network and Internet > Internet options From there, search for the security tab. Select, from there, the “Restricted sites” option and open the “Sites” dialog with the button indicated. Add these two sites to the blocked websites: apps.skype.com & g.msn.com Now you shouldn’t see any Ads, however that doesn’t mean Microsoft won’t add any new AD networks. Please look into our “Host Files” guide @ our Library (https/www.paranoidsbible.tumblr.com/library) located on our blog. We also wish to remind you that you shouldn’t ever accept anyone’s friend’s request unless you know who it is and can trust them. Block all non-trusted requests and accounts. Take the initiative and look online for a bot block-list. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure when it comes to trying to use Skype and remain secure. If you wish to abandon Skype, ensure everything’s blanked out or replaced with a single character (+, _, =, -…etc). It’s also wise to put a simple white image up as your avatar, too, and block and delete everyone from the account. Never access the account, unless you wish to waste an hour, each day, for a week to flush your IP out and replace it with a random proxy or VPN to ensure nothing ties you any longer to the account. Never log into the account again, once you’ve abandon it. Let it sit and rot, it’ll fade into obscurity soon enough. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ===Use TOX, Be Secure=== The best way to explain Tox is as if it was a person. Tox, to be precise, is the athletically built, 10/10, drop-dead-gorgeous, blond hair, blue eyed cousin of Skype. Whereas Skype is a bloated, trend-following piece of crap that believes outward appearance, regardless of size, is all that’s need to appease their user. Simply put: Tox doesn’t have the idiotic “aesthetics” and useless bloat. It’s just what it says on the box, thus far. TOX is a P2P instant messaging and video calling protocol that offers end-to-end encryption. All traffic is encrypted using the NaCl library, which provides authenticated encryption, perfect forward secrecy and no surprise visits from the FBI, yet. Tox is quite simple and easy to use. The FAQs (https://tox.chat/faq.html) alone should have you withering in orgasmic pleasure by knowing just how secure you are when compared to Skype. Just look at the below! • Removing the need to rely on central authorities to provide messenger services • Concealing your identity (in the form of meta-data, e.g. your IP address) from people who are not your authorized friends • Enforcing end-to-end encryption with perfect forward secrecy (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Forward_secrecy) as the default and only mode of operation for all messages • Making your identity impossible to forge without the possession of your personal private key, which never leaves your computer Seriously, we would like you to give the FAQ page a read. It goes into great details of why TOX is simply better than Skype. It’s near impossible for anyone to hijack or mess with your account. And, when using TOR and TOX, there’s near nothing anyone can do to trace you or your messages (as long as your rig’s clean and secure). There’s no need for an e-mail address or complicated signup. You just need to choose and download the flavor of TOX you want for your operating system, create a new account and start adding your friends. From there, it’s simple OPSEC and not adding people at random. No history is saved, it’s ready out of the box and if you want, you can monkey around with it however you wish. There’s nothing else you need. TOX does it all, so far. Unless, of course, you want to modify the settings in-program, like disabling that annoying typing feature that alerts people to when you’re typing or not. They even have a series of How-Tos already available for you, so there’s also that. The only drawback is the simple fact that if your rig fries, so does your profile and list of friends. So keep a list handy on a USB of your friends’ keys just in case. __References:__ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tox_(protocol) https://wiki.tox.chat/users/tox_over_tor_tot https://tox.chat/download.html https://wiki.tox.chat/users/howtos ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ===Afterword=== This is probably one of our more lazily written guides, however since some people kept requesting it we decided to crank it out as quickly as possible. Like all work edits, content’s there, just not beautified or aesthetically pleasing, yet... Enjoy and get off of Skype!

#skype #tox #chat #im #privacy #security #microsoft

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knifenymph · 8 years ago

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3/19/17

okay so yesterday, i posted before about how i’ve been seeing ants everywhere and i’ve been the only one seeing them. i followed @ershiqi‘s advice (thank u) to research more into ant myths and i found out about myrmekes (ants the size of a fox that i got chills reading about) and myrmidons (a people made from a colony of ants by zeus). in my room i could feel that there was some sort of something that was trying to get my attention but it just felt desperate rather than threatening. it was late at night so i just told it to chill out for a sec and let me talk to it in the morning and then proceeded to ignore it lol

(keep reading bc this post is probably gonna be super long with a bunch of unnecessary details)

this morning, as i was in bed chillin a COCKROACH CRAWLED ON ME. DISGUSTING. i took that as a sign that the entity was getting impatient and wanted to talk, so i promised that i would talk to it after i cleansed my room bc it just felt all dirty and the energy was off. so i vacuumed and played my cleansing music, drank some tea, and got down to business.

i put together this little layered concoction to help keep me safe (dirt, black salt, sea salt, sage leaf, white candle), cast my circle, and then lit the candle and some incense while gentle rain played in the background.

going into the astral, i asked Steven for help bc hes always been helpful when it comes to spirit communication. at first, he said that he didnt think anything was there to talk with me, but i distinctly felt a presence so i followed the feeling out to a different part of my astral place.

i then found a distressed myrmeke spirit that we’ll call P. this is basically how our convo went as Steven helped translate: (keep in mine that i was more polite while speaking with him, but i just cant remember my exact words)

me: hey im here, what can i call you? P: P me: okay Mr. P, what is going on? P: i need me: what do you need? P: help me: what do you need help with? P: i’ve lost my people and i need help finding them me: how can i help? P: research me: you want me to do research to help you find your people? P: yes me: okay, i can do that, but i have two conditions P: okay me: have you read my house rules? P: no me: okay well i need you to read and follow those rules. i also need you to keep bugs out of my room. can you do that? P: yes me: okay, if i see bugs in my room again, i will not hold up on my side of the deal P: okay me: will you be staying in this area for now? P: yes me: okay [i then left with Steven]

so now i have to help a giant ant spirit find his people. what makes this significantly harder is that myrmekes are VERY obscure; they have only been mentioned in greek mythology like three times,,, fantastic lmao

(if anyone has any info on them, feel free to message me lol)

#spirit work #p the myrmeke #j's spirit work

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twdmusicboxmystery · 8 years ago

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Character Flashbacks in 7x01: Master Post

Good morning Everyone! Once again, sorry it took me so long to finish this meta. You’ll probably understand why as you read. It’s VERY long. Mostly lots of pictures, but even they take time to format. ;D

This post was requested by a FB follower. (Always love to hear from my FB followers as, outside of the group, I have so few of them. Thanks so much Dani!) She requested I go back and analyze the flashes Rick sees for each character, especially Maggie and Daryl. I knew I’d mentioned them in my original analysis, but not in great detail. HERE’s what I originally said and it’s not much.

I’m going to post each flash of each character here so they can be used as points of reference. While Maggie and Daryl’s flashes are some of the most relevant to TD, I found that by analyzing ALL the flashes together, some interesting patterns emerged. I’ll do them in the order we see them in the show. Each character has five images, except Carl, who has six.

(Some of these images are a bit blurry. That’s because the flashes are VERY fast, but I wanted to get the flashes specifically from this episode, rather than getting screen pics from the episodes the flash scenes originally appeared in. I’ll talk about why at the end of the post.)

Rosita:

1. Holding a gun when the stormed the Savior’s compound in 6x12.

2. Smiling at Glenn in 5x05, when he asked her if she was in, no matter where they all ended up. Of course, her answer was yes.

3. Lying down in the rain beside Tara in 5x10.

4. Killing a walker at Teminus with her three-clawed Wolverine weapon.

5. Watching Michonne kill a walker in 5x02, before they reach Father Gabriel’s church. Abraham leans down in this scene and says, “Right there is why we’re waiting for our moment.”

Glenn

1. Screaming happily as he drives the red car out of Atlanta in 1x02.

2. Beside Rick’s tank in Atlanta, picking up the SHERIFF’S HAT.

3. Smiling in the rain in 5x10.

4. Smiling when Shane found water in the truck on the interstate in 2x01.

5. Smiling at Hershel with Maggie beside him in the 4x16 flashback.

Sasha

1. Hugging Tyreese when they reunite in 5x01.

2. Leaning over to kiss Bob in 5x02.

3. Smiling at Abe in the flashback of 6x02. This is where he asks if she only volunteered to drive the red car in Operation Lead the Walkers Away because she wants to die. She smiles and says no.

4. Talking to Deanna in 5b, looking grim. She and Deanna are disagreeing about things here.

5. Looking at Abraham in the RV in 6x16 when he talks about wanting to have kids.

Eugene

1. In the RV on the way to Alexandria in 5x11.

2. Walking with Abraham, Rosita, Glenn, and Tara in 4b.

3. Fighting a walker. This is so fast I can’t tell when it is. Possibly in the warehouse in 6x14 with Abraham or possibly the warehouse where Tara gets hurt in 5x14.

4. Talking to Noah in Alexandria about the converters they were going to get for the solar panel.

5. Hugging Abraham in 6x16.

Aaron

1. Meeting TF in the barn in 5x11.

2. Eating applesauce unhappily.

3. Smiling at Eric when they reunite in 5x11.

4. Following Daryl in the woods in 5x13 (Buttons episode).

5. Sitting with Daryl in the car (wolf trap) in 5x16.

Abraham

1. Raising a cup of wine in Father Gabriel’s church when he proposes they all go to Washington D.C.

2. Asking Rick when they can leave when they first arrive at FG’s church. You can see the bus behind him.

3. Looking at Glaggie’s ultrasound picture.

4. Male bonding moment with Rick at the gates of Alexandria (6x15).

5. Looking at Sasha in the RV with the sunlight behind him. (6x16)

Maggie

1. Hugging Hershel and Beth after they reunite in 2x13.

2. Accepting the music box from Carl in 5x10.

3. Kissing Glenn. Classic Glaggie moment from S2.

4. Her and Daryl talking about Beth in the barn in 5x10.

5. Talking to Rick in back of the RV when she’s ill in 6x16.

Daryl

1. Hugging Carol when they reunite in 5x01.

2. “You’re my brother” moment with Rick in 4x16.

3. Massaging Carol’s shoulders in 3x01 atop the overturned bus.

4. He and Maggie in the barn talking about Beth in 5x10.

5. He and Rick on the road together in 6x10 (where they meet Jesus).

Michonne

1. Her and Carl on the train tracks in 4x16.

2. She and Carl’s convo in 4x16 just outside of Terminus. (“I’m just another monster too.”)

3. When she finds Rick and Carl alive at the pudding house in 4x09.

4. Her and Rick in bed in 6x15.

5. Smiling at Rick after brushing her teeth in 5x12.

Carl

1. Reunion with Rick in 1x03.

2. Receiving the sheriff’s hat from Rick after recovering from his gunshot wound in S2.

3. Talking to Rick in the barn in 2b. This is where Rick tells him, “No more kid’s stuff…People are going to die…There’s no way to ever be ready for it.”

4. Smiling in the 4x16 flashback to the prison; that’s the one where Beth receives the hat from Rick.

5. Taking care of Judith in 5x10/5x11.

6. Hugging Rick when the prison went down in 4x08.

Okay! That’s all of them. Let me talk general observations and then I’ll go into specifics.

A few patterns I notice from each set of flashes:

1. Most of them have scenes from 5x10. Admittedly, not all, but obviously that’s very significant to TD. I think that episode shows up most in the flashbacks overall. More than any other episode.

2. Quite a few of these flashes were flashback scenes when we first saw them, such as the flashbacks in 4x16 or the flashbacks in 6x01. So these are flashbacks of flashbacks. Not sure what the significance of that is, but I’m sure it’s important.

3. The flashes tend to show the character’s most significant relationships, moments of great trial, or great happiness.

Here’s the thing, guys. The most obvious thing to do for these montages would be to show how the characters first entered the picture (met TF), them being happy or sad (which they’ve done here) and then maybe a final flash that represents where they are just before Negan arrives. They did that last thing in a few cases, but not all.

Overall, they did not follow this pattern. The flashes SEEM much more random than that, but we all know randomness is not really a part of this show. I firmly believe that each flash represents something specific for or about each character and was carefully and thoughtfully placed by the writers.

Here’s my overall theory for these flashes:

I think these specific flashes for each character were chosen to show things that would be relevant for their arcs MOVING FORWARD. The flashes (by necessity) come from the past. But these are moments that plant the seeds of things that will happen moving forward from 7x01. Let me illustrate.

Let’s start with Rosita. Her and Abraham’s flashes are some of the most telling and a big part of why I concluded the above. Abraham is not in Rosita’s flashes. Neither is she in his. If this was just about where the characters have been, they should have been in one another’s flashes. But in both cases, the flashes don’t focus on prior things that have now ended. That’s part of why I think the same is true of each character.

We see Rosita with a gun at the Saviors’ compound, and then killing a walker at Terminus. I think both of those point to her gutsiness and independence and the fact that she would eventually try to assassinate Negan. Others talked about wanting to kill Negan, but she was the only one with the foresight and follow through to try as quickly as she did.

She no longer has a relationship with Abraham at this point, but she does with Glenn and Tara and the rest of TF. If she dies, those relationships, some of which we see established in these flashes, will end.

Next, Glenn. Most of Glenn’s flashes are just Glenn being Glenn. Being happy and positive. His relationship with Maggie is the most important one, of course, and if he dies here (which he did) that relationship will come to an end. The last one is interesting for Glenn. It’s a flashback from 4x16. HERE’s an old post about the 4x16 flashbacks and why they’re important for TD. Other than Maggie, Hershel might have been the most influential man in Glenn’s life, so it makes sense to have this in Glenn’s montage. But like I said, for the most part, these point to things moving forward. And Hershel is dead. So something about this flash could possibly affect Glenn moving forward. Perhaps it’s irrelevant since Glenn died in 7x01, but I’ll come back to Hershel.

Sasha. First we see her with Tyreese and then kissing Bob: two of her most important relationships on the show. Their deaths affected her profoundly. Then we see her being angry in the next two flashes. (Even though she smiles at Abraham in #3, she’s not happy in that flash.) And I’ve always though the convo between her and Abraham in #3 was a Bethyl retelling. Finally, we see her looking at Abraham when he talks about having kids. Some of the other characters have flashes that are not in chronological order, but Sasha’s are. Hers seems very much like a progression to me. The final one is almost like her trying to decide if she’s going to be positive, as Abraham is being, or keep being negative. I think it shows that Sasha is at a crossroads here. I maintain that there are a lot of death omens around Sasha. I was wrong about her being a Lucille victim, but in terms of the Change = Survival theory, she doesn’t qualify for life anymore. Just saying. And even though we do see some past relationships in her flashes (Ty, Bob) they are still affecting her moving forward.

Eugene. Eugene is a more minor character and most of his flashes are those of him coming into TF and establishing relationships, such as with Abraham, Noah, etc. I do think it’s interesting that we see him killing a walker in #3. That’s a representation of him becoming stronger, like Beth. (He was something of a proxy for her in 6x14. (X)) Given what spoilers are saying about him in 7b, all of that will probably be important. I could also read into the fact that some of his scenes are from 5x14 (lamp theory: X ) where Noah dies (X, X), Tara’s head injury (X), etc.

Aaron’s flashes are interesting. Once again, we see him meeting TF, and then his important relationships which of course are Eric (since they’re both alive that will continue to be part of his arc moving forward) and Daryl. It’s kind of surprising that two of his flashes are about Daryl, given that they had zero interaction in S6. It would have made sense to show Aaron hugging Maggie in 6x05 since that was more recent or crying over the pictures he found in the wolf’s bag, because he saw it as his fault they came to Alexandria. But no. They went with two Daryl moments, both of which we pegged a long time ago as significant Bethyl moments. Buttons the horse, and in the wolf trap. In both episodes, Aaron functioned as a proxy for Beth. And then there’s the applesauce issue. (See the Apple Theory.) And actually, even though the moment in the barn where he first met TF isn’t specifically a Daryl moment, they chose a shot that ONLY he and Daryl can be seen in.

Abraham. His first two flashes are about his determination to get to D.C. Obviously, that’s not only how we were first introduced to him, but a big part of his arc. Looking at Maggie’s sonogram showed his change. Bonding with Rick and then looking at Sasha in the RV. I don’t think I need to talk about this much. Abraham was a major proxy for Beth and I’ve explained why these scenes are significant before.

Maggie. Okay, first she hugs Hershel and Beth in 2x13. Obviously this is where she came from; her most important relations outside of Glenn. But here’s why I think it’s more than that: this is literally the only scene in all of the montages that Beth appears in. This is also the second one that Hershel appears in. And as I’ve said, most of these appear bent toward things that will be important moving forward. Not that I think Hershel will return as Beth will, but I think at some point we’ll have flashbacks that he will be relevant in. Something about this flash will be relevant moving forward. We see Maggie kissing Glenn, for obvious reasons. We have two scenes (not one, but two!) for Maggie from 5x10. One of her accepting the music box from Carl and then one of her and Daryl talking about Beth in the barn after the storm. Again, why have these scenes in there if there’s nothing relevant there anymore? Something about them will be relevant to Maggie’s arc moving forward. The final flash from 6x16 signals, I think, that her pregnancy will continue to be part of her arc moving forward, and of course her relationship with Rick..

Daryl. Okay people, stick with me on this. It’s gonna take some explaining. I know most TD-ers were upset that we saw two Daryl/Carol scenes and no Bethyl scenes. I was disappointed, too. But here’s the thing, guys. We already know that they’re totally ignoring Beth’s arc ever since 5x09. This is just another way to do it. Besides, as I said originally, Rick thinks Beth is dead, so he wouldn’t see her as part of Daryl’s future. But what they do actually show here is really interesting.

First we see him reunite with Carol in 5x01. Let’s face it guys. I know not all TDers like it, but Carol is his best friend. She’s one of the most important relationships he’s had since S2. I’ve always liked their relationship. I think it’s sweet and it’s obviously not romantic, so I’ve never been threatened by it. This is simply showing the relationships that will still be important to Daryl moving forward. More evidence for that shows up in the flash of him and Rick in 4x16. Obviously a defining moment for Daryl. Two of his closest friendships/familial ties.

But let me also point out that the flash of him and Carol in 5x01 has a definite “reunion” vibe to it, and there are many ways in which Carol was paralleled with Beth in that episode. Then we see him massaging Carol’s shoulders in S3. I keep going on about how these scenes point to the characters’ arcs moving forward, right? Don’t freak out at me. I’m not saying Daryl and Carol will be together. Actually, the opposite.

My FB group has talked about this scene at length and what it means. This is the moment when the writers shut down all possibility of Daryl and Carol being a thing moving forward. Carol initiated it, saying “You wanna make out?” Daryl actually looks like he might be interested, if she is. But then she laughs like it’s a big joke and he gets this look on his face like, “Oh. Nevermind.” Then they jump down from the bus, joking about sexual puns and such, and they’ve been best buds ever since. (I also like to read into the fact that the VERY NEXT scene is where Beth sings and Daryl stares at her as he walks toward the fire. The entire way over.) Bottom line, this was the moment when Caryl ceased to be a thing. So to have this in Daryl’s flashbacks just says to me that moving forward he and Carol will NOT be together.

And what flash do we get RIGHT after that? He and Maggie talking about Beth in the barn. He, Maggie, and Beth are really the only people relevant in this scene. (Okay, Sasha is mentioned, but she’s not in the flash and with the flash being he and Maggie looking at each other in conversation, Sasha obviously isn’t what they’re trying to invoke here.) So unless Daryl and Maggie are going to have a hot affair (yeah, right) the only other thing that could possibly be relevant from that scene moving forward is Beth.

I’d also like to point out that they pretty much us the EXACT same scene here for both Maggie and Daryl’s flashbacks. If you look at my screenshots, Maggie’s head is turned more in one than in the other. I don’t know if they literally used one second for Maggie’s scenes and the very next second for Daryl’s, or if it’s just that I took the screenshots at slightly different places in the scene, but even if they were going to use that same scene for both sets of flashes (weird in and of itself) they still could have used a different angle or a different moment in the scene. Nope. They used the exact. Same. One. And guys? it’s the exact moment that Daryl says the thing about Beth being tough, but not knowing that she was. Juuuuuuust saying.

Finally, we see him and Rick on the road when they meet Jesus. I talk HERE (X, X) about how much this episode had callbacks to Still. But even them meeting Jesus is something I read into. With Beth being the Christ figure, having a dude named “Jesus” be a proxy or parallel for her is just the obvious thing to do. And no, he hasn’t been paralleled in as much detail as Bob or Abraham was, but still. We have Rick and Daryl on the road and they meet Jesus. (Can’t help but notice how often we already know they’ll be on the road in 7b: to go see Ezekiel, to discover the junk yard, more than likely they’ll return to Oceanside at some point. Hmmm. )

Like Sasha, read Daryl’s flashes as a progression. First it was him and Carol, then he and Rick became brothers. Then he and Carol were no longer a thing. Then Bethyl happened. And the next step is for him to meet the “Christ figure” on the road. Which incidentally is exactly what the Betsy/David parallel story said in 6x03. (Details HERE.) David (a.k.a. Daryl) said he met his wife Betsy (a.k.a. Beth) on the road back toward Alexandria. Just sayin.

Michonne. The biggest thing here is that her flashes reinforce the idea that these flashes deal with what’s important to the character arcs moving forward. All of Michonne’s flashes are about red-letter moments in her relationships with Carl and Rick. The two most important people in her life moving forward. Notice how they don’t show flashes of her and Andrea, even though they were BFFs. Or the Governor, even though he was a big part of her arc in S3. Or her son, even though we saw him in a dream sequence in S4 and he was a big part of who she was before and at the beginning of the apocalypse. Or even her two pet walkers, even though they very much defined her when we first met her. Nope. Only Rick and Carl. Because they’re the only thing relevant to her arc moving forward. The rest is in the past.

Carl. Other than Maggie and Daryl, I think Carl’s flashes are the most interesting from a TD perspective. We see his reunion with Rick in S1, which is something we’ve long seen as a Beth parallel. Like Rick, she was in the hospital for a time, will wake up without her family, go searching for them, and eventually find them. Then there’s him receiving the sheriff’s hat, which can ONLY be paralleled with Rick and Beth. The barn scene isn’t necessarily a Beth thing. Because of Rick’s line there, I think it’s the perfect thing to include pre-Negan’s victims, and there isn’t any way they wouldn’t include it. Then we Carl smile in the scene where Rick puts the hat on Beth. Of all the scenes with Carl or even Carl smiling, why use that one? The only other people in that scene are Hershel (dead but referenced a third time here), Judith (not present in front of Negan) and Rick (who is seeing the flashes and therefore doesn’t see any for himself). What could be relevant moving forward? Not just Beth, but Beth in the sheriff’s hat.

I don’t know why Carl has an extra flash, but the scene of him hugging Rick to me shows that stuff having to deal with the fall of the prison and Hershel’s death are still relevant. Not only is Hershel included several times in these montages (I get that it makes sense for the characters we see him with, but most other deceased characters are not featured, even when they played a big role. Cases in point: Beth for Daryl, Andrea for Michonne, Dale for Glenn, etc.) but also recall that the official TWD account, while doing MANY things to remind us of Beth’s death, have also a done a few to remind us of Hershel’s. They’re the only two who have gotten that extensive emphasis thus far on social media.

So you see what I mean? What’s shown in these flashes are possibilities for the characters moving forward. The only ones that won’t come to fruition are Glenn’s and Abraham’s, since they became Negan’s victims.

(Oh and about the flashbacks? I wanted to take them from this episode bc they were all black and white like in 6x01. I just wanted to point that fact out for now. I’ll do another post on it, hopefully later this week.)

Wow. That’s was a WHOLE lot of wind-bagging from me. If you’re still reading at this point, thank you so much for sticking with me. God bless you for your patience. :D I’d love to hear your thoughts, even if they don’t line up with mine. So…thoughts?

#td #beth greene #beth greene lives #beth is alive #beth is coming #td theory #td theories #team delusional #team defiance

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